Tuesday, May 31, 2005

Star Wars: Episode III

I fully intended to review the new Star Wars movie without ever seeing it, or any other Star Wars movie ever made.

It would have been a hilarious, well written commentary on the fans, the creator, and the movies themselves but alas,
The King has beat me to it.

I could never challenge Maddox, so go read his
article, bitches.

Sunday, May 29, 2005


Both the movie and review for this one will be a tad more serious than the previous, but only because Todd Solondz is a God among men and deserves the utmost of respect.
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Todd Solondz has blessed the movie-viewing world with just four films that he is proud to say are his. His first,
Welcome To The Dollhouse, continues into his latest, Palindromes. The continuation of the story is likely a salute to the Solondz fans that have stuck with him from the start and to the characters of Dollhouse.

Using many different actresses to play the main character, Aviva, worked brilliantly. Although many complained that it was pointless or confusing, I felt it was important to show Aviva as she was intended to be, an every-American girl.

The movie is a beautiful portrayal of self-discovery. We watch as a dozen young women go through the trials and tribulations of growing up wanting to love something and be loved in return.
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Connecting Welcome To The Dollhouse to Palindromes was one of my favourite features of the film. Specifically, bringing in the character of Mark Weiner, likely based on Solondz himself, gave the movie a whole new element of dry and sarcastic humour.

As always, Todd Solondz exposes issues like abortion, child sex, and rape by stomping on them, rather than dancing around them. The movie is provocative and will offend most people but that just means you don’t “get it”, man.

I love you,
Todd Solondz.
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Ps. The next movie is AWFUL, so the review won’t be as serious.
Pps. Pedophiles love kids.

Friday, May 27, 2005

Kicking and Screaming

Wow. Jesse Dylan, brother of Jakob (The Wallflowers) and son of Bob (The Legend), decided to knock his famous family down a notch with the cinematic masterpiece that is “Kicking And Screaming”.
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Oh wait. It was shit.

Generally a movie that would be on my, “I’m way too cool to see that movie” list, I was outnumbered 3 to 1 by my fellow movie going friends. It was a toss up between this and Monster In Law, and I went for the lesser of two evils.

Basically, the movie consists of, and in no particular order, Will Ferrel feeling like (and being) an incompetent idiot, a bunch of ugly kids who can’t play soccer for shit, some really cool Italian kids that I would date if they were at least 15, coffee, vitamins, balls, and Robert Duvall.

The star of the show, the winner of the Oscar, is without a doubt,
Steven Anthony Lawrence (Cheaper By The Dozen). This is the ugliest kid I have ever seen on film. Who let this kid into the club? Maybe I’ve been mislead, but I thought Hollywood was strictly for the beautiful people and semi-attractive extras.

The movie is an outlet for Jesse Dylan to express his pain, anguish, and embarrassment for being the runt of the family. The
chubby, ugly one that wasn’t blessed with a velvet voice and a bad ass look.

Better luck next time.