Thursday, August 25, 2005

Herbie: Fully Loaded

I usually update around Wednesday or Thursday, and seeing as I don’t plan to see a movie until tomorrow, I really didn’t have much out of the ordinary to talk about. A few people have been asking me to review something that I actually enjoyed, but I’ll leave that for next week or the week after. Right now, it’s time for Herbie: Fully Loaded.

This movie has a lot of potential to a Volkswagen lover like myself. I absolutely adore Volkswagens. All Volkswagens (except the new 2006 Jettas) are beautiful pieces of machinery. No, that’s not right, a Volkswagen is not simply equipment, it is a work of art. I vowed that I would grit my teeth and see this movie, even though I can’t stand Lindsay Lohan (we’ll get to that), simply because it features my absolute favourite vehicles in the world. Let’s have a dreamy sigh and look at a sexy photo of a VW:

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

This movie is such a shame. What’s with Hollywood rehashing old TV shows and movies? Dukes of Hazzard (I do love Johnny Knoxville), Bewitched (I do hate Will Ferrell), I Dream of Jeannie, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, The Bad News Bears… It’s quite the fad and I will say that only Chuck and The Chocolate Factory is worth a view. I saw Chuck again, recently, and I have to confirm that the fuckin’ Oompa Loompas ruined the whole goddamn movie.

Now, back to Herb.

Lindsay Lohan gets an old, rusty, nasty (actually pretty cute) looking Herbie as a graduation present, a fixer upper if you will. She gets her friend (take a wild guess, will this “friendship” turn to romance?!) to restore Herbie and… he races in the Daytona 500. Alright, so I cut a few points out of the plot but who really cares? Let’s start bashing Lindsay Lohan.

I saw Parent Trap (the Lindsay version) and it wasn’t half bad for a remake. It made me try Oreos dipped in peanut butter and I must say, although I haven’t had them since the first time I tried them, they weren’t half bad. Go try it. Lindsay has really gone down hill though, and it hasn’t been a graceful fall. In my humble opinion, and it is humble, Lindsay Lohan is the most disgusting celebrity out there. This doesn’t include the obvious choices like Carrot Top, but of the big stars, she’s the nastiest. She is 19 years old but she looks like she’s 47. First of all, she’s a red head. Red heads are fucking nuts. Second of all, she is COVERED in freckles, and I find this to be an absolutely revolting look for her. Third of all, her fluctuating weight and breast size is well, a bit much… She claims that she went through puberty. I guess that’s what they’re calling crack cocaine these days.

When Lindsay is done up for a photo shoot with her freckles airbrushed out and her gaping mouth finally closed, she can look quite presentable but the real Lindsay Ho-han looks much different. Hey, “I’m sure she’s a better person than me” but I don’t really give a fuck.
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Image hosted by Photobucket.com

Ok, I’ll say something nice: Mean Girls was a good movie and worth a watch. I wouldn’t see Herbie though, it sucks balls, just go look at VWs on Google Images. Oh, and don’t give me shit about it’s “Target Audience”, I don’t care if it was made for 8 year olds, a shitty movie is a shitty movie.

Ps. Next week: Something I like!
Pps. Movies I saw this week: Valiant.
Ppps. Click on that link of Carrot Top. Trust me.
Pppps. FIONA APPLE IS FREE! Go buy her album in stores Oct 4. Sign up for her newsletter and visit her site to see videos and listen to music. This is going to be an amazing album, keep your knickers on.


35 comments:

Dickolas Wang said...

I love Volkswagens too.

That is all.

steve said...

my condolences. you should have just watched annie hall again. annie drives a vw.

June Bug said...

poor poor Lindsay....will anyone ever be a true fan to her?

...uhh...no probably NOT!!!

CraigS said...

Mean girls was a great movie, and Lohan looked pretty cute in that as well. Though I came away from it with a wild crush on Rachel McAdams...

Lohans whole appeal was fresh-faced innocence. She's utterly trashed that now, and I suspect she will find it increasingly difficult to find work.

She is wrecking her body too. She is going to look pretty horrible by the time she clocks up 30...

Darran said...

I wish i had loads of time to see Movies!! I can't wait to get back to college!

The original Herbie films were classics. Is it possible to improve? Thats all Hollywood is trying to do these days. Where is the original films anymore?

CraigS said...

Dukes of Hazzard (I do love Johnny Knoxville), Bewitched (I do hate Will Ferrell), I Dream of Jeannie, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, The Bad News Bears...

Hollywood has always done this. Sometimes to good effect too - the recent War of the Worlds is a massive improvement over the original, IMO.

CATCF still hasn't come out in Oz - can you believe it? I'm definitely going to see it though - the Gene Wilder version was dreadful.

Angus said...

Mean Girls was very funny, and I thought Lindsay Lohan was very good in it. It's sorta sad to realise the changes she went through in the movie to be popular (dress like a ho, get bitchy, look skanky) are basically what she's been doing over the past year or so. She got with the popular hoes (Paris, Nicole, Tara), got anorexic (which = totally annoying. Curves are good!) and launched a singing career. A waste of talent and cuteness. Hopefully she'll turn it round and become a great comedic actress (she's got the timing for it).

CraigS said...

It's sorta sad to realise the changes she went through in the movie to be popular (dress like a ho, get bitchy, look skanky) are basically what she's been doing over the past year or so.

Very perceptive Angus...

CraigS said...

Hopefully she'll turn it round

I think she's got about as much of a future as Macaulay Culkin...

Angus said...

Nah, she's cuter than Macaulay Culkin. I'd back Lindsay in a cage match against Macaulay any day. (I just realised what a stupid name 'Macaulay' is. Seriously, type it out. It sucks)

CraigS said...

The carrottop link doesn't work...

A Sheltered Town said...

Oh, that's because HollywoodRag.com is a bit unreliable. I'll change the link today sometime. Macaulay Culkin is absolutely WONDERFUL! See "Saved" and "Party Monster". Saved might not be the best for you religious boys but it's soo good. Totally hilarious from my stand point.

jedith said...

In the 1st picture she is WAY too out of "proportion". Then again, which actresses these days aren't?

A Sheltered Town said...

Tons of actresses aren't.
Scarlett Johansson, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Charlize Theron, Fairuza Balk, Juliette Lewis, Christina Ricci, Franka Potente... Wait a minute. All of the actresses I love and respect, that sums it up.

Mr.Cam said...

Yes I'm definitely looking forward to the new Fiona Apple album. It's been a long time since we've heard from Fiona; I'm glad she's back. Hopefully she'll be leaving her record company and moving to a label that treats her with more respect and believes in her material and the direction she's going.

I see you're from BC! Very cool.. I'm getting home sick again. I've been trapped here in Ontario for too long. I need move back west ASAP.

Another Bystander in a World of Dementia said...

You're right..

Herbie totally sucked balls..

How was Valiant?

British Chickens fighting hawks sounds really cool...

Matt Patterson said...

do you like VW's or do you like their marketing?

A Sheltered Town said...

Matt - I like VWs.

Dementia - I wouldn't know about Herbie, I didn't actually see it. Valiant was pretty good, certainly not the best of the kids movies though. A Bug's Life, Monsters Inc Finding Nemo and Shrek are the best... Plus some others I'm sure I'm forgetting.

CraigS said...

Saved might not be the best for you religious boys but it's soo good.

I think my faith in God can survive a Culkin movie. Not sure about my faith in Hollywood though...

Elohimus Maximus said...

ahhh craigs you are forever the untamed soul. I admire your courage and dont think you to be a bad person. But I think it was a wonderful movie. you should probably concentrate on really being saved now. that goes for the rest of you too. AST is ok though, shes already enlightened enough.
God 230
sinners 0
TCOJCOEMLDS

CraigS said...

you should probably concentrate on really being saved now.

Oh, ok. That has something to do with noodles right?

Demosthenes said...

Wow, God has definitely pulled ahead since I was here last. Jedith will be pleased! Anyway, I never saw Herbie and I never saw Mean Girls. The fact that the circumference of Ho-Hans's arm resembles that bottle cap kind of freaks me out.

CraigS said...

That HollywoodRag site is cactus - none of the links works properly.

They've got some more pictures of Tara Reid trashed on the main page though. She is one seriously troubled girl...

http://www.hollywoodrag.com/

A Sheltered Town said...

They're renovating, give them a break.

CraigS said...

I'm not feeling in a charitable mood...

CraigS said...

Next movie - I [heart] Huckabees...

Angus said...

Nah - next movie "Out of Sight". It's the best! George Clooney! Don Cheadle! Ving Rhames! Catherine Keener! Luis Guzman! Steve Zahn! Michael Keaton! Dennis Farina! Jennifer Lopez before she was famous!

CraigS said...

I think J-Lo was already famous when she did "Out of Sight"...but it is a great movie...

George Clooney rocks...

jedith said...

By the way, I noticed you changed your profile picture.

Dave Harty said...

I loved saved. I have a thing for wild Jewish girls.

CraigS said...

By the way, I noticed you changed your profile picture.

Its Lola and Manni from "Run Lola Run"...

Another Bystander in a World of Dementia said...

How bout' trying to review the oldies y'know?

I think they're absolutely genuine and great.

That was way back in the long gone and almost forgotten days when actors actually acted and were praised and respected for their formidable ablities at acting and were not chosen for movies based on how popular they are or on how many sex tapes they have made in their careers.

Most "actors" or "actresses" nowadays are just a sorry bunch of pretty people with no talent.

Hence, our endless bitching about them. When was the last time you actually saw good acting from one of those Hollywood jackasses?

You know?

Where have all the good things gone?

Another Bystander in a World of Dementia said...

And Ice Cube shot be shot for ruining triple X.

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