Tuesday, July 19, 2005

Steven Anthony Lawrence

Not that I have the intention of beating a dead horse, as they say, but a special day has come upon us. Some cheer me on and some beg me to stop and give the poor rat a break. Well I will do neither. I will not be rude and I will not be loving, I will simply express my true feelings on this special day.

Happy Birthday, Steven Anthony Lawrence.

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From the moment I saw Steven Anthony Lawrence, my heart stopped. I had never felt feelings like the ones that rushed through my body (specifically groin) on that dark cold night that I spent in Famous Players Colossus Langley. The movie didn’t leave a lasting impression, Will Ferrell didn’t leave a lasting impression, The hot Italian boys sort of did, but nothing like the way Steven Anthony Lawrence moved me.

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This is basically a thank you for coming, so unexpectedly, into my life. You’re still jailbait, but look me up anyway, kid.

Ps. Either Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Wedding Crashers or March of the Penguins is next.
Pps. I haven't even seen the movie Rebound.

22 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hey, I must take issue with your treatment of Will Ferrell! Ferrell is a comic genius. Ferrell was brilliant in his days at Saturday Night Live. Perhaps Ferrell didn't have that great a career in movies thereafter. Oddly, I can't think of a movie that I've seen which Ferrell was in other than the one with Snoop Dogg. Ferrell will undoubtedly go down as one of the greats, however. Will Will Ferrell ever make a classic? Will we ever see Ferrell will himself into the role of a leading man? I can't believe that I wrote Will Ferrell 8 times. (or is that 9 now?)
You write a POWER-ful and hilarious column A Sheltered Town, keep up the good work. I WILL watch for further developments.

your new friend, chiming in like Big B. from London, Xavier.

Demosthenes said...

Seriously, you've never devoted this much time to one subject. It used to be funny but now it's bordering on obsessively wierd. I'm officially getting nervous.

Anonymous said...

AST; my judge and jury, far from jolly, I furrow my brow with fury as I find your hurrying to follow this furry, scurrying, little scurvy ferret, folly.

Anonymous said...

demosthenes -
The beautiful hostess is, as always, being strictly ironic and playful. Her repetition is simply a device to elicit humour of a more sophisticated variety than may register with certain plebes. Perhaps you will learn the art of minimalism yourself one day. (I certainly pray that day arrives when we will NOT find you copying copious passages of the NY Times verbatim for your own blog. Amen.) And as for being 'weird', (read: weird, I know it is tough, friend, when you have to stroke the keys all by your lonesome, as you are wont and relegated to doing)-- well, I would refer anyone with interest in dementia to read any of a selection of your chosen postings here or elsewhere on the blogs. Perhaps you should heed your own advice and survey the lake before you jump in. Or as I, who am given to mixing metaphors, would say, perhaps you should check yourself before leaving marks in the little sandbox that is allocated to you for your self-proclaimed well-red(-faced) intellectual salvos. I suggest that you not come around here poking your little stick at the tigress. She is always poised to pounce. Believe me, there is a method to her madness!
tsk-tsk. kiss-kiss. whisk-whisk. Away with you!

Demosthenes said...

It's about time we had another of these, though I'm sure that for you it's plenty overdue, given that all you do is sit at home, planning your next offensive. Really I pity you- when you don't have friends or a social life it's hard to find something to occupy yourself with. You know what they say, if you can't learn to do something well, learn to enjoy doing it badly; you've certainly got that nailed. As I was saying, perhaps you should learn to roll the dice yourself rather than hiding behind major suck-ups to our "hostess." You assume, rather inadequately, that she will come to your defense after that brown-nosing rant. I was not, as you seem to assume, stabbing out. I also find the notion (which you seem to uphold) that you "know" AST better than I, not to mention her "methods," quite humorous. But not to get into personal subjects, as I know you feel bad when you hear about other people having real-life interaction; I will move on to spelling. The fact that you lashed out, citing a simple misspelling in a brief comment not intended to include intellectual bearing, is, in short, laughable. In fact, it was written in haste, as I was late for my meeting with, dare I say it, members of the female population. A foreign topic here, I know, but you'll see the light some day too. Needless to say, I was only fashionably late, as always. The fact that you grilled my spelling rather than my content speaks for itself, revealing that either you can find no flaw in my topics or cannot muster enough brain cells to comprehend it to the point of potential criticism. By the way, I would rather have a sandbox at my disposal than the flowerpot you call your egotistical stomping grounds. Everyone knows that a non-thinking plant is the closest you could get to outsmarting something. And, in what seems to be a growing hypocrisy, keep in mind that you are in no position to criticize my blog when you yourself are without one. The very idea that I steal material from a MEDIA source such as the NY Times is outrageous; I would never stoop so low as to include the base material that you yourself ponder over a breakfast of mediocrity and bland. On a final note, perhaps AST's material does go past me, though I assure you if it does, it goes under (otherwise, how would YOU get it?). You yourself stated that it was intended for specific plebes only; you forget that I'm a patrician and thus not subject to your, ahem, minimalistic categorization. Interesting that you can handle such the complex task of content classification, however, I thought only toddlers could do that.

Dave Harty said...

What is it about rat-boys that drive Canadian chicks nuts?

Dave Harty said...

So this is why we don't chat anymore...you're stalking him aren't you.

velvet midget said...

"Hey guys?.....does this powder blue tux make my overbite look bad?"

Anonymous said...

It blows my mind how many seemingly well-spoken people have fallen for such a dirty, awful trick.

-Captain Moody

Mallory said...

Wait... does he NOT have down syndrome?? I might have spelled that wrong somewhere, but beyond that, I always just assumed he did, because there are no other explanantions. Look at this and tell me that he doesn't have it.

I love every post about him, it cracks me up... my friends and I used to watch even stevens just to try and figure out what was going on with Beans.

Anonymous said...

Yeah seriously, I always thought that kid had Down Syndrome. Or he was retarded. Maybe that equals the man of your dreams.

Anonymous said...

Seriously, I always thought that kid had Down Syndrome. Or was at least retarded. If that's the one quality that the man of your dreams has to have, then go for it!

Anonymous said...

Hahaha, look at my double post. Maybe I have Down Syndrome. How's that for karma.

Anonymous said...

...wait for real does he have down syndrome?? someone answer the damn question please

aShelteredTown said...

No, he doesn't actually have downs. I've talked to him (he contacted me after he read this post) and he's actually a really great kid - super funny and totally knows he's not the best lookin' guy. He calls himself the "chinless wonder".

Anonymous said...

i love Steven Anthony Lawrence he is very beautifull boy

Anonymous said...

finally, someone that sees the beauty that is beans! even if he has no chin

Buddy said...

Wait, I understand now. The person who wrote this IS Steven Anthony Lawrence. He is trying to trick us into believing there are people out there who actually get sexually aroused by seeing his face, instead of regurgitating profusely, and bleeding from every orifice of one's body.

I honestly look at this kid, and reaffirm my faith that God has a sick sense of humor.

Seriously dude, no one believed that anyone thought you were hot, so stop trying. Just be good, and someone will want you for your beautiful soul... if they're blind.

Anonymous said...

He must have Down's syndrome just look at him! Compare his pictures to this boy who also has Down's syndrome http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Drill.jpg

Anonymous said...

this is absolutly hilarious, thank you thank youuu

angie.marie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
angie.marie said...

i loved him in rebound