Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Ben Stiller

Anyone who knows anything about me knows about my extreme and undying hatred towards Ben Stiller. Yes, I’ve seen “Zoolander” and yes, I still hate him. Not only do I hate his looks, his personality, his writing, his directing, his producing, his wife, his clothes, his Jewishness but I also hate his friends.

Owen Wilson, Vince Vaughn, Will Ferrell, Christine Taylor, Rip Torn, Jack Black, and Vince fucking Vaughn. I know, I said him twice.

Ok, saying I hate Jack Black is a bit too far but I stand by my word on the others. I can’t stand them and the fact that they are in every single Ben Stiller “Comedy” ever shat out. I was watching Raising Arizona the other night and thinking to myself, “Wow, since the beginning, these guys (The Coen Brothers) have always stuck with the same core cast for the majority of their movies: Frances McDormand, John Goodman, John Turturro, Holly Hunter and so on. I love the Coen brothers and their films. So does this make me a hypocrite for hating Ben Stiller for the same reasons I love the Coens? No, because the Coen brothers don’t crap out one shitty film after another, month by month, with the same general plot line.

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I don’t understand why Ben Stiller always writes himself, or is written as the “Good Looking Guy”. I know it was a joke in Zoolander, but all the others? The guy is one of the worst looking men in Hollywood. I’d rather sleep with Steven Anthony Lawrence than be in the same room with Ben (Call me, Steve!). In Dodgeball (which I was forced to see) he was the super-fit and super handsome gym owner that had to peel the ladies off. In Zoolander he finds it tough to be “this good looking.” Why is no one pointing this out? Why is no one making note of the oddly shaped head that this man possesses? I think it’s time.

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Something About Mary was the first big screen success that Ben had. No, I’m not counting “The Cable Guy” as a big screen success. Since I’m not a fan of SNL and I never saw “The Ben Stiller Show” (and I'm counting my lucky stars), I wasn’t really exposed to Big Ben until 1998 at the young and impressionable age of 16. Sure, the cum jokes, the dick caught in the zipper, the retarded kids, and the old woman’s leather breasts all gave me a good chuckle but I’m pretty sure it ended after Ben started releasing 25 “productions” in the span of 5 years. God man, take a break, for my sake.

And Will Ferrell really pisses me off too. I’ve gotta throw that in there, because I know he’s well loved. Wait… Maybe if SNL would stop discarding their cast into Hollywood, I wouldn’t have to be such a miserable bitch.

Too late.

Ps. I’m also writing a guest post for another blog, but I’ve been sworn to secrecy because he hates everyone who comments here and doesn’t want them on his blog. If you can find my guest post (should be up by Sunday), you get a cookie (or a photo of one I found on google images.)
Pps. Today is my half-birthday.
Ppps. Movies I saw this week: The Labyrinth, Raising Arizona and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (again).
Pppps. Fiona Apple is FREE! Thank you to anyone who paid attention to the issue or visited the Free Fiona site. Success has been had.

48 comments:

jedith said...

Wow! I am the first person to comment on this post from a list of almost 50 potential other people. Anyways, I have never seen Zoolander, or any other Ben Stiller movie, so I don't really know anything about him.

A Sheltered Town said...

Well then... Thanks for your contribution!

CraigS said...

Will Ferrell is very over-rated. I simply dont understand why so many people love "A Night at the Roxbury"...

CraigS said...

I’ve been sworn to secrecy because he hates everyone who comments here and doesn’t want them on his blog

Charming fellow...guess he wants you all to himself...

G-Man said...

That headshot cracks me up. He really things he's Zoolander.

CraigS said...

I only saw the ads to Dodgeball, but I think the whole "sex object" thing was meant to be pretty ironic...

Dead Pigeon said...

He's a Jew? I thought Hitler killed all of them...

CraigS said...

You are not really anti-semitic are you Shelby? Just being provocative, right?

A Sheltered Town said...

I love (most) jews.

Sick Goat said...

I am anti-symantec, I have their antivirus and I can still see jews on the internet....bastards.

Stevie K said...

I liked Zoolander, and I liked There's Something About Mary, but other than that I see your point.

Whether it be Along Came Polly or those Focking movies, Stiller has been mediocre and unfunny in a lot of movies lately.

I liked Vince Vaughn in Wedding Crashers, but I haven't seen him in many other movies so I'm not really sure if I like him yet.

Owen Wilson has a very, very odd nose.

If you talk smack about Will Ferrell again, I'll choke you to death with your own hair.

CraigS said...

I am anti-symantec...

That is pretty funny in an ugly way...

Another Bystander in a World of Dementia said...

I think he's pretty funny actually...
Maybe a reason you dont like him that much is that some people have different tastes, if you might call it, for comedy..

I'm a sucker for slapstick and dick jokes...

How bout' you?

As for the anti-symantec guy,
I'm not anti-semitist, but I do symphatize with you.

I'd like to get rid of the Norton Anti Virus Crap that's installed on my computer as much as another fucking virus..

P.S Wouldn't it be funny if Symantec was the brainchild of a Jewish Guy?

Angus said...

I'm a fan of most of the Frat Pack's stuff - Zoolander is probably my favourite - but hey, to steal a line from Anchorman: "agree to disagree".

With the whole 'Ben Stiller as the hot guy', I thought that was the joke in Dodgeball - he was so repulsive but thought he was awesome? I agree he's kinda funny-lookin'. Steven Anthony Lawrence and he should never have kids.

What about Luke Wilson? Owen's brother? Where do you stand on him?

Anonymous said...

Will people ever forget about Hitler? Probably not.
Have people forgotten about Mother Teresa? Who is she you ask?

Dead Cow said...

Mother Theresa is hot! I'd do her...if she wasnt a Jew.

I said...

why don't you write about something you like?

JJ said...

Ben Stiller and Jack Black seem like they're supposed to be funny. I still think, "Oh, Jack Black's in that? Should be funny." But then I remember that every movie apart from School of Rock he's done has been bad.

Stiller, on the other hand, has yet to make a funny one. Owen Wilson? I just don't get that. He should be waiting tables in Irvine.

eponymous said...

Will Farrell is a no-talent hack.

There, I said it. He was marginally funny as the guy who couldn't die in "Austin Powers," but that's where it stops.

Ben Stiller is a semi-talented hack with about two jokes in him. Shelby, if you hated Zoolander, whatever you do, don't ever see "Permanent Midnight." Really, really, bad attempt by Stiller at drama.

One decent Ben Stiller movie exists, in my opinion, the vaguely Sherlockesque "Zero Effect" with Bill Pullman. Ben Stiller plays the long-suffering assistant to a detective with an amphetimine addiction who plays bad music.

My half birthday was on Saturday.

Anonymous said...

I said...
why don't you write about something you like?

Essentailly she is the type of woman who enjoys bitching and complaining.

A Sheltered Town said...

It's the truth.

But, if you scroll down a few posts, you'll notice that I do write about things I like.

Ashley said...

Shelby is complaining about the things that are worth complaining about. Absolutely crappy good for nothing movies, Conceited actors, etc etc.

I hardly ever watch the movies from hollywood anymore. It pisses me off that they don't take a chance,and instead they release the same crap month after month such as bad guy(alien or whatever) vs good guy or good gal.
The plots of these movies are done in such a simplistic manner.
It's too bad they wouldn't make more good movies that have a few good plot twists.

Anonymous said...

That has set the stage for us to really get in the mood and also complain about the worst movie that ever was amde by some person taking one too many hits from the bong.

I nominate Hollow Man in the 10th spot of the top ten worst movies ever.

My short but to the point review

Whose voyeuristic fantasies was this film helping to express? I thought I was going to see an updated retelling(not that there is one thing wrong with the original) of James Whale's The Invisible Man only to find that I was watching a film about a man that turns invisible and uses his powers to caress and grope one sleeping woman's breasts, rape another woman just after she got out of the shower, spy on two people making love, lift skirts, and do other adolescent things. This film was god awful

It was Nominated for Oscar...Are people smoking crack when they watch this type of movie...err I mean whayever u get on you shoe when u walk along a dirty alley.

Anonymous said...

I said...
You are more enjoyable when you review things you like, much more creative. Don't be a 'Ben Stiller', break out of this rut. Critics are best in praise, by my opinion. We can all gripe but when we show the true ingenuity of a project and those who created it we are doing a service. I'd would prefer to read your wonderful prose of intrigue for a movie that is obscure and unique. Stop watching sh*t.
(i forgot my f*cking blogger password)

CraigS said...

It was Nominated for Oscar...

Yeah - for best Visual Effects. A pretty well deserved nomination to, I think.

Its not a Verhoeven film unless some chick gets her boobs out. I dont know why - maybe he is a sad little man.

Starship Troopers is still one of my favourite films though...I had a long time crush on Dina Meyer...

Anonymous said...

A pity that the Starship Troopers movie wasn't as good as the book or even the animated(cg)tv series.
Still it had some moments.

Overall though Hollow Man was awful.

Dead Manatee said...

Manatees are kinda like midgets...they're cute when you see them in pictures,but at the same time...they die early, and nobody really cares. I think you should review Titanic...because icebergs are hot.

CraigS said...

Wow! I am the first person to comment on this post from a list of almost 50 potential other people. Anyways, I have never seen Zoolander, or any other Ben Stiller movie, so I don't really know anything about him.

That comment gets funnier every time I read it...

Stevie K said...

I don't think anybody here actually knows a sheltered town. I think she is a computer program.

A Sheltered Town said...

I am a musical robot.

Anonymous said...

Very Interesting...Shelby the AI Chatbot

Crash Pryor said...

So, really...what are your thoughts on Ben Stiller, yo? I can honestly say that a lot of the shite that's been released with "BS" as the leading man have been "crap-tacular" to be mild. That said, as someone who lives and works in the town where all that dross gets slapped on the ass and submitted to the viewing public, I'd like to say that these dudes (actors) take on whatever gets the greenlight. Forget about trying to build "a body of work" these days...they've lucked out (occupationally) and they know it...I've rapped with people like O.Wilson and V. Vaugh (whom you hate twofold =) and from what I know of them based on the latter, they're just doing what works. Mind you, Zoolander, both of the Fockers and forget about Starsky & Hutch which stars a trifecta of actors you, Shel, love hatin' on (Stiller, Wilson and Vaughn) and Will Ferrell in a small role too too!...Personally, I thought Snoop Dogg's role was a trifle over-unctious/ stereotypical but that's not my beef here)...To be certain, Stiller's no Brando or DeNiro or Pacino (and not just because his surname doesn't end with an "o") but he's still working, which ANY actor in this town (that you've ever heard of, including Christopher Walken who said as much straight to my face) will knuckle up and tell you is better than NOT working as an actor...it's best to get paid for a role in a piece of turgid pap than to get a day job slingin' romoulade and creme broule (just ask Jack Black). In short, don't hate on the ho' because he/she's plying their trade when/where opportunity knocks...most of the flicks you've mentioned were aimed at the fanzine set who like to keep abreast of the latest flick starring their favorite TigerBeat cover models and to some, Stiller may be this...not here...Still, I'll ask you, have you seen Permanent Midnight? I was shocked that Ben could act, but he did so in that film...the soundtrack was top rate too but I digress...Having said all that, it's easy to sit in the peanut gallery but it's another thing to actually be in the shite doing it...naysayers be damned...To that end, I try not to throw salt in an actor's game from afar but sometimes you gotta get real and call them out. That's human nature...if the movie stinks, by all means do your thing but bear this in mind: not every film released will be a Desperately Seeking Susan (joke)...like Johnny Witherspoon said in Hollywood Shuffle, "ho's gotta eat too." I wrote a piece about that last on the chronicles, wanna read it? Laters, Shel...

PS. shoot me a line to that ghost blog, yo...1.CeeP.

Another Bystander in a World of Dementia said...

Wouldnt it be better if they did
10 great movies than do 100 crappy ones?

At least people like us would stop having fun pissing on their credentials as a good actor or actress and actually stop from commenting about what we thought sucked shit in the movie on AST's blog..

Anonymous said...

If I find your anonymous post I don't want a cookie....I want an image of you,Shelby,in a sexy bikni...One or two piece who cares I bet you look awesome in a swimsuit or bikni. After all you're very pretty. ^^

Rose said...

Well, I can't blame you for your hatred of Ben Stiller. He's the ultimate crap actor for anyone with a juvenile and unsophisticated sense of humour. But hey, have you seen Rip Torn in Forty Shades of Blue. He is great and it's a great film. Guilty by association? I think not. Anyway, I like your blog. You're a smart chick.

jedith said...

There are some very random posts on this blog. It is FUNNY!

Anonymous said...

Stevie K: Some of us **DO** know her, and are actually even very very close with her, but are so turned off and embarassed that she makes such a pathetic, insecure slut of herself on this website that we choose to lurk in the shadows ... or post anonymously. Sort of like this.

CraigS said...

that we choose to lurk in the shadows ... or post anonymously

Isn't that "pathetic" and "insecure" as well?

C'mon admit it - you're a jaded ex-boyfriend...

Bchang said...

Brand new news from timber industry....wtf?

CraigS said...

blogspam

Another Bystander in a World of Dementia said...

I got one of those too..

Idiots with no time arent they?

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Bchang said...

So no more anonymous comments.
Just as well maybe.

A Sheltered Town said...

Nope. Cuts down on spam and idiots.

G-Man said...

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Anonymous said...

I came across this shithole after I typed in "I hate Ben Stiller" in google. I'm drunk.

The girl, who started this crap, she's kinda funny. She's got about a one in three chance of not being a turned out whore. Not terrible odds. Good luck.

The pink can go.

I'm a Jew. We don't get offended when you talk about us. We're used to it. We laugh about it when we're at our expensive clubs, where you serve us.

Ben Stiller sucks.

Anonymous said...

he is so hot

Mat Precourt said...

I think I love you.