Wednesday, June 01, 2005

People Who Take Things Too Seriously

Are you JOKING?

This blog has been up less than a week and there’s already a hit out for my life?

Two negative comments were made towards my blog in the past few days. I feel, rather than replying to each individually, I should make a post out of it. I’m doing this so that any future complaints will be answered in a respectful and calm fashion.

The first, about Star Wars, was unintelligible so instead of including the original, I included my rewritten version:
"Well, clearly this joker has no life, no sense of irony and no imagination. You're the kind of person that likes to critique everything and write it off as lame. Movies aren't always supposed to be life changing. In fact, this series was so far ahead of its time, that if you don't appreciate it, then you are the typical geek that we talk about. You might as well go watch a Michael Moore movie, or choose a Ford Focus instead of a Shelby because it is more economical. Come join the living and get over your depression." – Anonymous

the second, about Kicking and Screaming:
“Does anyone in here know anything about the term, "target demographics?" Well obviously not. This "movie" was not intended for an intellectually mature audience, and apparently, neither is this review. It's a "family movie" you morons. It's intended to yield profits off the original fiscal investment. Get over it. Not all movies are intended to be legitimate forms of artistic and/or social commentary. This is NOT, I repeat, NOT, a movie to be taken seriously. If you don't understand that, you may want to keep your elementary opinions to yourself. Just so you know, there are hundreds of terrible movies made every year with the intentions of making money. What's next, a review on the new Britney Spears album? Let me guess, "it sucks." What a revelation. A wise man once said, "Don't speak your opinions on subjects you know nothing about." Heed his words.” – Stating The Obvious

Firstly, everyone needs to understand something: The new
Britney Spears album does not suck but I don’t believe it’s her best to date. I personally enjoyed “Britney” much better than “In the Zone” and it’s a shame she released a Greatest Hits so early in the game. “In The Zone” had too many gimmicky voice alterations for my liking. “Britney” seemed raw, the true Britney Spears exposed for the world to gander at.
Image hosted by

Secondly, Michael Moore is a fat ass.

Image hosted by

Thirdly, I am not an intellectually mature audience.

Fourthly, and most importantly, this blog is hardly a social commentary. This blog is where I can grab freedom of speech by the balls and slam it against the wall. Are my opinions wrong? They’re opinions, “Stating the Obvious”, they can’t be wrong.

Lastly, Kicking and Screaming was a pile of shit and if that’s what is being presented to the target audience, well then I apologize to the children on behalf of Lars Ulrich or whatever the hell the director’s name is.

If you don’t like my clearly biased opinion of movies, music, food, people, inanimate objects or anything else I can muster up, then don’t read them. We’re given the freedom of speech and the freedom of choice. If you choose not to listen to what I say, I won’t lose sleep.

For those of you who love me and my stuck up “intellectually mature” opinions, stick around.

Oh, and this is NOT, I repeat NOT, a blog to be taken seriously. If you don't understand that, you may want to keep your elementary opinions to yourself.

Ps. Don’t comment saying that Lars Ulrich did not direct “Kicking and Screaming”. I know he didn’t. I wrote a post on it less than a week ago.


Dickolas Wang said...

A Sheltered Town, you ignorant slut.

Dickolas Wang said...

So that no one comes and puts a bounty on my head or anything.

Dickolas Wang said...

A working link might be more helpful.

Daddy said...

Now you've done it, baby girl: you've pissed off a Shelby driving, Star wars loving, Michael Moore hating, Republican Red-neck. First thing I'd do if I were you is get a bullet-proof vest, because you know he's got a gun collection. On second thought, fuck the vest. He probably has some kevlar-piercing automatic machine gun with a picture of Charlton Heston on it that he bought under the legal shelter of his beloved second ammendment right. Eitherway, I'd run and hide if I were you. Some suggested hiding places where you might be safe: Libraries, museums, fringe film/poetry festivals, green peace rallies, amnesty international head office. Places to avoid: Nascar and/or Monster truck rallies, KKK meetings, Denny's. Eitherway, be vigilant, tell your friends to warn you if they see a Chevy Pick up with a confederate flag on it and a gun rack driving around.

P.S. I love your posts, don't ever change.

Demosthenes said...

After being thoroughly disgusted, if not envious, of "Darth Vader's" 711 FREAKING RESPONSES on his last post, I was very, very pleased to see your rebellious slash at superfandom. Outspoken and vivacious... it's brilliant. Just thought you should know... this blog caught my eye.

A bientôt

Dickolas Wang said...

I'm Canadian.

Demosthenes said...

So what movies do you approve of? This I have to hear. It's kind of nice; I don't think I'm ever going to read a movie critique again, instead I will just come to you...

Anonymous said...

you all suck

Anonymous said...

If there was nudity in the new star wars it would have been great!

Michael Moore and Britney Spears should star in a porno together. Moore could actually see his penis for the first time in 20 years and Britney, well .... she sucks!

another person caught up in the demented anarchy of the modern world. said...

cheerio anonymous...

you fucking faggot.

haha.. nice one daddy..

except, do they have rednecks in

just asking..

anyways, nice post sheltered town..
thanks for kicking the metaphorical
ass of all those star wars nerds.

States the Obvious said...

A Sheltered Town: A Case Against Free-Speech

This is yet another public service announcement. You’re right. If I don’t share your views, I don’t need to come in here, nor do I need to spend time reading your “opinions.” Time spent, which I will regretfully never, ever get back. But out of my social responsibility to enlighten those that need my help the most, I’ve chosen to return and at least attempt to somewhat elevate your currently pathetic level, and maybe inspire you to try a little harder to be genuinely “funny.” There is hope little one. I care.

I think it’s an insult for you to have reviewed a Todd Solondz movie, which you claim to “get” (something I’m highly doubtful of by the way) when your irritatingly holier than thou posts resemble something my little sister would’ve written in third grade. I see more inspiration in your posts coming from Pauly Shore than Solondz who uses satirical commentaries in a way really intelligent people can appreciate. You should try it sometime. But then again, you seem quite content to share your Beavis and Butthead-type personality with all of us on the web.

I can see that you’re opinionated. Clever. Witty. Normally, these are good traits to have. But without a foundation of some substance or intelligence (which, in addition to humility, you are completely lacking in), you’re just an annoying cloud of smoke. Yet another “opinionated” bimbo… how cute… not.

Congratulations. You’ve just placed yourself in the same category as those who feel that it’s their God-given right to abuse our health-care, welfare, and educational systems, all because they’re technically “free”. It’s ironic that the ones bitching for free-speech are often times abusing it the most with their pointless, masturbatory verbal diarrhea, and create this need for overcompensation by the censorship powers that be, to keep incessant bullshit in check. Do you realize that the censorship police are there because of people like you? Try contributing something for once you fucking social parasite, instead of living life with the mantra, “Gimme gimme gimme.”

You are an embarrassment to anyone who has actually had something legitimate to say, and were shut down by the censorship Nazi’s.

One day when you’re all grown up, and the bubble of perceived self-importance that you live in bursts, you’ll realize that contributing something with even a hint of intelligence, is a good thing. Get over yourself. Really, there’s nothing underneath the surface except a sharp tongue. It’s quite sad at how truly ignorant and immature you are.

You and your friend Maddox are the same dime a dozen, gutless, liberal dipshits that go through life criticizing everything without actually doing something about it. Have either of you ever accomplished anything worthwhile in your lives? Well, the answer is obviously, “No.” Why? Because you’re cowards, that’s why. You go around laughing at all these retards.. that probably deserve it.. but what you don’t realize is that you’re part of a hierarchy, and the really smart ones laugh at self-important people like you. Maybe you should stop bitching about things, patting yourselves on the back, and try a little harder to be genuinely funny. Quit talking and actually start saying something you vacuous black hole.

ps - Who's a redneck? I don't own a gun, I hate Michael Moore and I've never even seen one Star Wars movie. I'm just pro-intelligence.. that's all. Peace out bitches.

pps - By the way, I'm laughing at your nut-huggers. Truly sad.

ppps - A Sheltered Town... really think about what I wrote. I'm actually trying to help you. *wink*

States the Obvious said...

hahahahaha you guys that are all sucking up to her seriously need to grow some balls!

Dickolas Wang said...

Wow, somebody needs a hug.

A Sheltered Town said...

Good one! You've got enough ideas to fill your own blog. Here's a great site to start one up: Make sure you link me.

Radioactive Jam said...

You seem to be weathering the storm just fine; nicely done.

"Life is pain, highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something." - Westley


Dear “States The Obvious”,

Would I be wrong in assuming… that you never, ever would’ve been this rude in person. But I guess being a “big, bad, blog bully man” hiding behind a computer screen and an anonymous screen name suddenly gives you the necessary courage to “be all that you can be” in front of a captivated audience. You’re nothing more than a bitter, testicularly challenged keyboard warrior who has nothing better to do than start an internet feud on a girl’s personal blog site that she shares with her friends. Your parents must be proud. I know I am.

Apparently, you’re here to fulfill a masochistic need for public self-defamation, which I'm willing to satisfy in all its glory. Lucky for you, I’m in an extra charitable mood today.

I guess I could point out how hilarious it is for you to use the “I bet you haven’t achieved anything worthwhile in your life…” statement in this situation. You’re an inspiration for us all. I bet you stumbled on AST’s blog, and you felt like this was yet another party you weren’t invited to. Yet another joke you didn’t get. Well you showed them, didn’t you? Now look, you’re the center of attention! Yo Adrian, you did it!

Someone as insightful as you should have your very own personal blog site. A personal blog site that only “really intelligent people can appreciate...” like a “Special People’s Club.” A personal blog site filled with ALL your wisdom, which no one would ever frequent because let’s face it, you have no friends.

This must bring back memories for you, of those dark days in high school, where you’d lock yourself in the handicapped washroom holding back the tears, vowing, “One day… I’m gonna show them.” Well here’s your big chance tough guy. You show ‘em. Maybe if you insult the host of the party long enough, everyone will start believing how cool you really are.

You know, you and I could have a lot in common. Let’s be friends. We both hate “gutless, liberal dipshits that go through life criticizing everything without actually doing something about it.” Do you happen to know anyone like that? Maybe I’ll go into your blog and we can… oh wait.. you opted to not include it. Well maybe I can look you up and we can… oh wait.. you didn’t use your real name. Boy, I hate faceless, nameless cowards that start shit and don't back it up, don’t you?

Do you realize that it’s socially insecure douchebags like you, clouded in delusions of their own perceived superiority, that drive good people like me to sudden outbursts of extreme violence. I mean what would it possibly accomplish for me to break your neck and kick your face in for an hour? About as much as your involvement in this blog. Maybe I’ll start my own blog and you can frequent it as much as you want. But only if you want someone to enlighten you and elevate your currently pathetic level. There is indeed a hierarchy my friend.

Love, Rai

PS – This really should be the last post on this subject.

Anonymous said...

wow rai

ok rai, that guy was being rude...but you call that a comeback? I thought you were feeling 'extra charitable' in doling out some verbal whoop ass. it was all hype and zero satisfaction. the worst part was that both of you guys wrote like 10 pages each. i mean, come on....i was entertained at first but if i'm going to read something that long i would hope to find something substantial within. this is all i got from you guys: blogging is gay. you both made points, but who cares? you're pussies.

Daddy said...

States the Obvious, I have one question for you: Are you a republican?

Based on your approach, you clearly are. And if you're not, then tell me what fucked up, ultra-right-wing, nut-job party you belong to so I can send you a christmas card.

You seem to employ a text-book right-wing approach to free speech: if the opinion is liberal, then it must be an abuse of free speech. You also seem to employ a text-book right-wing approach to public debates: if the opinion is liberal, then attack the culprit's character and vilify them to distract from any validity in their opinions. (Not to mention, if your apponent is a girl, well then she is just an "opinionated Bimbo").

Listen here Rumsfled, your comments are filled with rage and hatred, and a little sprinkle of masogony. If I were you I'd take down the poster of Dick Cheney hanging above my bed, and I'd go do something productive with my life, like plant a tree or something. It might help alleviate some of the pollution spouting out of your Dodge Ram Pick-up.

Finally, I find it hilarious that you are so messed up that you called AST the following:
"Pathetic", "Holier than thou", "having a Beavis & Butthead personality", "with out a foundation of substance, intelligence or humility", an "annoying cloud of smoke", "another opinionated bimbo", "a social parasite", "an embarrassment", a "gutless, liberal dipshit", etc.


I'm just waiting of you to tell us that if she doesn't review Star Wars, then the Terrorists have won!

Seriously though, go seek help immediately. Do not pass GO, do not collect $200, Just go straight to your nearest psychiatric institute and tell them you weren't hugged as a child and now you're lashing out against the world.

Daddy said...


Stevie K said...

Shelby, I feel sorry for you. How does it feel to know that nobody will ever respect you because of biology?

Stevie K said...

By the way, my site links to yours now. Please reciprocate.

Demosthenes said...

Wow... I need to come here WAY more often. Such controversy. I mean, we have here more haters than I have seen in a while, some random posts and some web-bullies that, most likely, don't get out much. And then we have the guy who threatens your life and takes it back after finding out you're hot. Never mind that it might not be your actual picture, but why should I doubt? Just so you know, you've still got one REAL supporter. But you can just do responses to my posts right here and spare yourself the mindless political drivel I put on my blog.

Stay above it!

Demosthenes said...

"My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die."

Just though you could use some humor from one of the greatest. All these crazy people can get you down, you know?

States The Obvious said...

Wow did I do all this?

Rai Duquette... are you related to Ry Duquette that fought on a pro-kickboxing card in Seattle a few years back?

I think I saw your brother fight... If that was him, I definitely don't want you mad at me. I was just having some fun man. No disrespect.

Ps - I liked your post. Nice spin by the way. I don't think these fools got it.

A Sheltered Town said...

My oh my.

Let me clear something up. "Dickolas Wang" was joking when he called me a slut. It's a line from an SNL skit, and an inside joke. So let the poor boy be.

Thank you to all who came to my support and thank you to all who had helpful, constructive criticism.

Keep coming and enjoy the blog.

Oh, and yes, Rai is a kickboxer, so fuck off.

Demosthenes said... seems most of the traffic here comes from a bunch of guys fighting over the title of "A sheltered town's favorite contact" and it's getting to the point where our input is simply there as input to show our undying but completely irrelevant devotion. Just an observation. It's probably the photo that causes it.

A Sheltered Town said...

I would have to disagree and say that the majority of the hits are coming from friends of mine that are coming to my defense. But, as you wish.

Dolphin Pearl Diver said...

A Sheltered Town...very insightful, keep the reviews coming.
States the Obvious...Calm down, get out of your parents basement and get some air, it's just a review...relax, and quit being such a pussy, you found out he was a kickboxer and you tucked your tail between your legs and hid behind your comic collection...way to stand behind your opinion.

rai duquette said...

I knew you were trolling, you transparent piece of shit.

Kudos to you for catching my spin. Tried not to be too obvious with the bait…very perceptive of you. Now fuck off and stop polluting AST’s stomping grounds with your display of Trolling 101. Get your own goddamn blog to shit on. My girl’s too sharp to fall for that bullshit, although I can’t say the same for the rest of the audience. The pigs finally got some excitement in their lives but all good things must unfortunately come to an end…the troll’s been exposed once and for all. Show’s over dorks. Your first post seemed legit but the second one was a little over the top. You still had both of us laughing though… good job.

Now if I ever see you in here again, I’m gonna hunt you down and make your outsides look like your insides.

Toodles everyone, Rai

P.S. It’s Rai, not Ry… get it right. And yes, that was me you saw kicking mucho ass in Seattle.

P.P.S. AST is much, much hotter in person so by all means keep kissing her ass and she might actually post more pics you can jack off to.

Egan said...

Wow, put down your cocks gentlemen. These are the funniest comments on one post I have seen in a while. Sit back and have a Molson everyone.

P.S. I am not Canadian, but I play one on tv.

Egan said...

...and the author of this blog sure does clean up well. Is that author profile pic legit or have I scene you on Seymour?

A Sheltered Town said...

I'm sure you would like to Seymour.

Egan said...

As they say, "see more on Seymour". I have friends from 'couver and no I didn't have sex with a pro on Seymour.

Ikari said...

That's nice Egan, to tell somebody who lives outside of Vancouver that you've seen her on the most established hooker street there. Well at least you didn't say Hastings, and you classified her as an expensive hooker. This is a blog for her offside opinions, not her ungodly good looks. Go spank it elsewhere.

Egan said...

Ikari, je t'aime et je plaisantais mon ami.

Captain Beefheart said...

Shit girlfriend, who gave you the balls? :o)

Ikari said...

Je suis vrais con.

Anonymous said...

I don't like this , I hate that , I'll kick your ass in Seattle , she's so smart , I'm scared of black people , Hoolers are people too , Todd is God , Britney is getting better , Fuck this , eat that , go home , Blog elsewhere , I got a mole on my dick , George Lucas is overestimated. oops did I just sum up a small % of earths biomass , and their livelyhood in the last 72 hours. For the love of living , leave your black holes and at least go fo a cigarette on the balcony , so that the cancer may shorten your collective lifesapans. Adopt a kid in Gambia or Labrador. Btw I'm annonymous , because I don't own a computer and don't have enough time to procrastinate my way to oblivion , but if you're ever in Vancouver Rai and looking for a scrap ask the girls on Seymour and Nelson , to point you out to Ugly Mike.

STO said...

Alright guys, this was a lot of fun and all but I just have to say that I find it rather disheartening that only A Sheltered Town and Rai got that my second post was an ingenious yet subtle, tongue-in-cheek parody of ranting hate mail. Yes, you got me. I was trolling, forgive me. I thought more people would've gotten the joke, contributed intelligently and found it funny but oh well, such is life.

And no, I'm not "tucking my tail between my legs" you fucking simpletons. As if anyone would come after me over an internet posting. Even if they wanted to, how would they, genius?

I said that I wouldn't want him mad at me because not only did this guy rock the house when I saw him in Seattle, but he was also a crazy, funny, and super nice guy who hung out with my friends after his fight. And yes, I consider myself a fan of his fine work in the ring. There was no original disrespect intended on my part, nor was there any genuine hating in here except from you assholes. Ironic isn't it?

Cheers to A Sheltered Town and Rai, the only two people in here with any brains.

Jay (aka States The Obvious)

ps A Sheltered Town, thanks for the link. I may just take your advice if you and Rai are willing to return the favor and guest post sometime.

Hey Rai are you ever going to be in Seattle again? Come visit your friends at AMC and we'll give you the red carpet treatment out on the town.

A Sheltered Town said...

STO, We need to talk. on msn.

STO said...

I don't have MSN. Why don't you send me an E-mail?


rai duquette said...

I'm not allowed to go back to the states due to all the drug charges I have.

And I'm scared to go back to AMC after that backstage hair-dressing "mishap" in '02. Besides, I don't really remember who you are...sorry.

Leave your contact info with my manager AST and we'll be in touch.

Anonymous said...

i think anonymous nailed it when he said that you're all pussies.

A Sheltered Town said...

Tasos, shut up.

Dave Harty said...

Damnit...missed another cool party. Hey, there's still a few jello shots in the fridge! Dave's party starts now.